Other TV & Radio Shows

Here's some info on my earlier TV and radio gigs:

Fast Food Mania (Destination America)

For What It's Worth (VH1 Classic)

Food Factory (Destination America)

10 comments:

  1. Now's the Time to bring back Jon heins tv show

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  3. honestly, I’d vote for you for president. joe Biden is about as inspiring and interesting as your burger order (bread and meat... nothing else, right?... just lame). but it's frightening that we'd probably be way better off and more Americans would be alive right now if the chyme in your stomach after about triple glulisine shot and a carafe of detemir for good measure maintenance, post-prandial to about 5 Fenway franks or Nathan’s dogs, with the token useless VP being the Hein special backwash that’s left in the XL diet coke cup were in office left o dick around with the totally corrupt their command over the military and dick around with the nuke codes. I doubt they’d just kind of follow suit: (I’m gonna go down the rabbit hole/benjy vortex for a minute)
    BACKWASH AKA BW AKA “BEEDUB” AS A TERM OF “ENDEARMENT”… OR MORE ACCURATELY, PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MOCKERY:


    “yo chyme, I dare you deploy some special forces on those Operation 45 mother fuckers… I mean, you could totally spin it like… antifa are like ISIS?


    CHYME( AKA ‘MEAT AND BREAD AND STOMACH JUICES/ENZYMES AND SYNTHETIC INJECTED ENZYME ANALOG, AKA ANAL --- LOGS (GET IT? AS IN SHIT! HAH LOGS…): ‘


    “Wow, that’s legit gold… bee-dub.. that’s I’m actlually working on my next in auguration speech that I’m spin into an autiobiogarphy later on. Lemme tell ya it’s not only going to be the greatest speech ever speeched..it’s gonna put the put I have a dream and the Gettysburg addreso shame. It’s gonna be the bestst, greatest, top-class, bigly speech and put them to bed. I’m thinking of calling it “Mein Kampf…” it’s apparently German and it means something about a struggle. It’s gonna be about all my struggles that are ‘the criminals and anarchists that are Antifa, we defeated them like knife through butter. Piece of cake grabbing pussies was harder than slaught.… I mean sending them all to insanely long prison terms. But antifa was like al qaeda during this beautiful war … but ther is something looming, hiding the in the bushes, called Operation 45. Those, my lovely people that I care for so much, more than any other president or dictator in history… are our home-grown ISIS! Let’s restore law and order and I’m just went over the national archives museum last night for a photo shoot.… Melania and I had some bean and beef tacos before hand and I was in a major bind so i accidentally used the Constitution to wipe my ass… it’s the original one, so I think I heard some guy in congress… I think it was Pence or Fauci or someone say that means all the ones made after it are invalid.

    (BACKWASH(NO MASK) IN BACKGROUND, LOW VOICE, AND COVERING HIS MOUHT BUT STRATEGICALLY LEAVING LITTLE GAPS BETWEEN THE FINGERS SO THE CORRUPT FAKE NEWS MEDAIA COULD IN NOW WAY INTERPRET IT AS A MASK THAT are they lsiteing to the speech.. he is so fucked up, he is visibly trembling and profusely sweating):
    God ,POTUS number uno… you know what? youre killin it. but you kneow that… when are you not ever fully killing everything ??? I’m getting the most raging hard-on at level red++ listening to this… and I didn’t even bring one of one of those cock i borrowed from ScoresRick7 man Mund [ he’s got a tattoo]..anyways…this is super nitpicky of me… so no biggie… but i don’t think Faucis exactly a federal legislator… I mean you could just say he’s your bitch and what’re they gonna say? but we can’t let those fucktard libtards us with make up fake news with dumb things like facts. You know what… now that im hearing myself say this… fuck, my bad. We can just push out some sleepy waste-of-space loser and give him a better cabinest at the table or something… I mean this dweeb is still one of those dweebs that has integror somet shit… he is gonna be tough to bribe… but let’s see him refuse when I add “fuckin’ BOSS” of Health and human services depart to the HHSS leader? Let’s see him turn THAT shit down. **mic drop** how’s that for a chair at the table, Funnylookin’ Fauci?

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    2. Chair??? How about a HIGH CHAIR? Cuz he’s shorter than… really short guy. You could even call him a dwarf, or a midget. I forget the cutoff. But yea… a high chair!!

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  4. Chyme stands up straightens is posture and puffs out his chest… preparing for his next forthcoming of universal praise: moment of p I fucg impress myself with out amazing and good and best my the next for… I just gotta pop that up on twitter hang on… don’t steal anything it’ll be a sec)..


    …*both laugh, and with glares to 10 secret service members in the room begin laughing hysterically laughing… all except the woman administering COVID test number 8 for the day, who burst into tears, and swiftly removed and given ~the settlement that Stormy Daniels got to move to *classified* pacific island and new identity.


    (prior to this conversation, Chyme had everyone else leave the room, as he took a liking to this well-bosomed 20-something blond technician and found himself in a pussy-grabbing mood. He was right in the middle of item number 3 on his oft-refenced list: “I’m so fuckin rich and powerful I don’t even need drugs like that loser Cosby.” He boasts that all those he’s blessed with this tiny sausage hands ‘end up just loving me’ with the proof to follow: ‘cuz they realize they just got groped by the Almighty Chyme and even though it takes them a few minutes and they kind of cry a little bit just for a second… they wake up and see the gift that’s coming… and it’s obvious they just love it because a little bit later they eventually consensually agree to come to the oval office that night wearing the same Ivanka costume matching the blow up doll I keep over in the Blue room . He was on a roll, going improv with what he knew was the line of all lines: “you know why I call you in here so many times every day, right? I mean… shit… I’m telling the world we do too much damn testing. I just do it every time I wanna, know, kinda give a love tap to your coronOVARIES…. go ahead, we can take the sample with you on my lap. You know I’m super clean from this china plague better than anyone. That’s it… good girl… tell me how clean I am. Yea….. come on. I’m the healthiest person ever… say it! Doctors say I’m the most mentally acuity-great person ever… that test never met me… say it. Six… I laught at that. Tell me I could remember 8 words if I just felt like it. I could do it in my sleep… well maybe not, but say it anyway…” and now… let’s ….


    (interrupted by backwash’s call… chyme is noticeably peeved ad for the first few munites, and upn this interruption, he kind of tunes out of the call for a while, busts out his TooToo boy kaleidoscope-themed wide-ruled notebook to draft a brand new law banning BW from evr being seen in public without a dunce cap and a trademarked G-cup Robin Quivers bra ™.


    ( they begin hysterically laughing and are told not to stop until Chyme gives them the ok… (one brazen agent had the nerve to mention the edict they had just given by President Chyme the week prior to “be like those assholes with the stupid hats in front of that ugly-looking Buckminster palace… or bucking bronco castle… or whatever the fuck. It’ll make me look like like I’m like those 1337 Confederate legends with a bunch of slaves… we’re gonna take some selfies I’m gonna end that dopey loser Jack Dorsey he’s finished… I’ve gotten some instragam fever… “IG OCD,” let’s say.

    a thee fuck they gonna do without a constitution amirite?. Please give me 5 extra lashings tonight I deserve it.. now go fuckin slay these bitches...) So anyone that says the word “unconstitutional” in reference to me… they’re going in the grou… I mean prison cells with the antifa guys so you can have a part
    y!”
    Mach das reich wieder grobartig!!!!!

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  5. Ok, ground control to major tom: I’m back to earth.
    You’re well-spoken and intellecutal sponge with perfect dose of broad-minded/and open to other opinions… now, I’d thought I’d be supporting either of the “Will’s associated with the show, Will Murray, since he massacres everyone there in terms of IQ, but that nutjob is certifiable… he beats up old women at phillies’ or eaglesgames and we can’t elect someone wit h0 sperm count… I would pray either of the “Will’s” associated with the show would make aa ru… but or will the farter!! He is more than just the man with the most talented sph8incter of all time… I’m not buying the actual result .. if he’s got a self-proclaimed 140IQ he just must not have de-gassed for the day. I would look not those testing conditions the man this era’s great mind. But sadly I fear his very public “brutal master” alterego will keep him from widespread acceptance from anyone who cannot identify as a homosexual man that enjoys beinga sub to hairy, flatulent dom that can only reach climax upon the draining of his bank account… futile endorsement.

    Ultimately… you will be the single greatest communicator to the people and representative the world. I believe you will be the one to enlighten, mathematically, humanity through utilization of your secret powers in linear algebra and functional analysis, as well as linear/differential geometry and the bread and butter of differential/integral calculus to bless us with the the answer to the theory of everything…. The unification of quantum mechanics and general relatively…. For you have been able to not only understand and communicate with the the space stammering hoot monster enigma commonly known to us as “the JD Harm Meyer.”
    Hit Em with the Hein… and
    Heil Reichmarschall Hein! (has a certain ring and comedic irony to it)

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